宝宝小心眼、爱狡辩、易自卑??家长应该怎么做？

悦宝园权威顾问苏珊.纽曼（Susan B.Neuman）教授

全球著名教育专家，纽约大学教育学院教授，Susan B.Neuman教授曾出版20多本书，发表100多篇学术论文，担任多家知名儿童教育机构和儿童教育期刊的专家顾问。

问题1

儿子5岁了。每次他做错事我们训斥他时，他要么就借口狡辩，要么就坚持自己没做错。身为父母，我们该怎么办才好？

Susan B.Neuman: Try to correct your son without directly criticizing him. Young children are so sensitive, and hate disappointing their elders. It is not unusual for him to make excuses for his behavior. I would recommend starting with a comment,“I know that you meant well, but we really do need you to?” Say it in a supportive way, and ask him if he could use your assistance. He will learn that everyone makes mistakes but you still love him.

苏珊教授：尽量不要用斥骂来纠正孩子的行为。小朋友是很敏感的，他们不愿意让长辈感到失望，所以他们会为自己的行为找借口也就不稀奇了。我个人建议，纠正孩子时，先用支持性的语气做出评论，“我知道你的本意是好的，但是我们还是希望你??”，然后问一问他是否需要你的帮助。他会明白，每个人都会犯错，但即使这样你也依然爱他。

问题2

我的儿子4岁半了，他肚量很小也很容易生气。例如，他和别的孩子玩的时候总是要别人按他的想法去做。如果有谁不喜欢他的想法，然后转头去找别的小朋友玩了，我儿子会非常难过。接着，我会带着儿子去找那些小朋友，问他们愿不愿意继续与我的孩子一起玩。孩子们同意了，想要拉我儿子的手，但这回我儿子又不愿意再跟他们一起玩了，就像是他很记恨他的朋友。这种问题该怎么解决呢？

Susan B.Neuman:Your son is probably asserting himself to others. This is typical at this age. He wants to be a leader and he is most likely not able quite yet to yield to others and accept their ideas. I would let your son ‘cool off’ a bit before trying to make friends with the other children. His desire for friendships must come on his own. It’s not something that you can force. Once your child sees that he feels alone, he will make his own overtures.

苏珊教授：你儿子很有可能是想向别人彰显自我，这种情况在这个年纪是很典型的。他想要成为团队的领导，并且不愿意向他人屈服或接受他们的想法。如果是我，我会让你的孩子在交朋友之前，先冷静一会儿。他要是十分向往朋友，就会自己去找朋友们。这个过程是你不能强迫的。一旦你的孩子感觉孤独了，他自己便会有所退让。

问题3

我女儿今年5岁，她常在照镜子时很难过地问我：“妈妈，为什么我看起来不漂亮？”我女儿相貌中等，但是一定不丑。我告诉她，她笑起来的时候很好看，还给她讲丑小鸭的故事。她自己也会在穿公主裙的时候告诉自己，她很漂亮，以此来安抚内心。但是我仍能感觉到，她并不满意自己的外表。我该怎样做才能消除她的焦虑，让她不再过多地关注自己的外表呢？

Susan B.Neuman: I’m sure your child has many lovely qualities that make her interesting, fun, and pleasing to be around. Stress all the wonderful things she does. It’s important that a young child should not judge herself by her appearance. I would make sure at every instance to focus on all the wonderful things about her. In actuality, most people who are successful have many traits such as kindness, caring, and thoughtfulness to others that make them special.

苏珊教授：我敢肯定，你的女儿一定有许多可爱的品质，是一个有趣、为别人带来快乐和欢笑的孩子。你可以着重说出她做过的所有美好的事情。要知道，小朋友不能用她自己的外表来评判自己，这一点是十分重要的。对我来说，我会保证在每时每刻，都关注她的闪光点。因为，在现实生活中，大多数成功的人都有许多与众不同的特质，例如善良、富于同情心、为他人着想。

问题4

我女儿三岁半了。她在大部分时间里都是个乖宝宝，除了每天早上去幼儿园的时候——她总会哭闹得很厉害。她上幼儿园已经半年了，但每当到了幼儿园，别的小朋友都在很开心的做游戏的时候，我女儿总会抱着我的腿，不愿意加入他们。我该怎么办？

Susan B.Neuman: I remember vividly that my daughter, as well, had such a problem. Your child probably has a bit of separation anxiety, which makes it difficult to separate from you. I would be firm with her, and tell her that it is time for preschool. She may cry and be upset, but once you are gone, you might find her engaged in playing with others. Just remember, it’s not an act or an attempt to manipulate you. Rather, she is frightened to be without you. But once you leave the preschool, I’d would be assured that she is playing with others and having a wonderful time.

苏珊教授：我仍清晰地记得，我女儿也有类似的问题。你的孩子或许有一些轻微的分离焦虑，因此她很难同你分开。如果是我，我会表现得态度坚决，告诉她，是时候去幼儿园了。她可能会哭闹或难过，但你离开后，她会慢慢投入到与其他小朋友的游戏中去。要记住，哭闹并不是控制你的行为或是试探，她只是担心你会不在。但当你离开幼儿园，我可以肯定，她会和别的小朋友一起玩耍得十分愉快的。

问题5

我儿子4岁了，去幼儿园已经有1年了，但他现在突然不想再去学校了。老师说，他在学校表现得很好，也不会给老师找任何麻烦。但偶然有一次，我儿子在上课时没有坐好，老师指出了他的错误，然后他就委屈的哭了，一直偷偷地掉眼泪。是他太敏感了吗？我该怎么跟他沟通这件事呢？

Susan B.Neuman: It sounds like your son is very sensitive and wants to please your teachers. He takes every criticism to heart, probably because he worries that the teacher won’t like him. I would talk to the teacher a bit, and let her know that even the smallest issue makes your child sensitive. I think your teacher will understand and will try to find ways to correct his behavior without admonishing him too much. Every young child at this age is sensitive. They are learning about the world, and leaving the loving cocoon of the family. So try to tell your son how proud you are of him, and that he doesn’t have to be perfect to keep your love of him.

苏珊教授：按你的描述，你的儿子是一个十分敏感的孩子，他想要让老师感到满意。老师对他的每一次批评，他都会上心，这可能是因为他担心老师因此就不喜欢他了。如果是我，我会同老师沟通，让老师知道，哪怕是很小的一件事情，也会让你的儿子感受到。我认为，老师能够理解，并尝试着纠正自己之前行为，不再过多的斥责他。在这个年纪的每个孩子都是敏感的，他们开始离开充满爱的家，去了解世界。所以，请告诉你的孩子你为他感到骄傲，并让他知道，他无法事事都做到完美，但是你永远爱他。