谁有英语的小谜语和笑话呀？？？急急急！！！不要图片和网站的！！!至少要一百条！！！

小笑话 a little joke
如：
Today I'll tell a little joke to you.
Today I'll tell you a little joke.
今天我给大家讲一个小笑话。

英语笑话故事

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说
A Difficult Question
Four girls went to school every day by taxi.
One day one of the girls said,"There's a test this morning .Let's get to school late.Then we won'have to take the test."
"What can we tell the teacher?"one of the girls said."He'll be angry. We'll need a good excuse."
The girls thought for several moments,then one of them said,"Let's tell him that our taxi had a flat tire."
"That's a good idea,"the other girls said."We'll tell him that."
"Why are you late?"the teacher asked."You missed the test."
"Our taxi had a flat tire,"one of the girls said.
The teacher thought for a moment,then he said,"Sit down,one of you in each corner of the room."
The four girls did this.
then the teacher said,"Write on a piece of paper the answer to this question:Which tire was flat?"
1．what man cannot live in a house?

什么人不能住在房子里?

Key： snowman（雪人）

2．What never asks questions but gets a lot of answers?

什么东西永远不问问题但是却能得到很多答案?

Key： dictionary （字典）

3．What question can you never answer "Yes" to?

什么问题你永远也不能回答"是"

Key： Are you dead?（你死了吗?）

4、You have it．You read it．There're some pictures in it?

你拥有它，你可以阅读它，它有些图片在里面，它是什么?

Key： book（书）

5、A mouse has a large pocket． What is it?

一种鼠有一个大袋子，它是什么?

Key： a kangaroo（袋鼠）

6、It has a head ，but no neck．It has a body，but no warmth．NO feet，but can travel?

它有头，但没有脖子，有身体，但不温暖，没有脚，却能旅行。

Key： a car（汽车）