【急】我是一名初一学生，这是我写的第一篇英语作文，求批改（不要太长）谢谢！

1.She can will do very delicious meal典型错句子，用了can就行了will就别再用了，注意句子结构，，还有做饭用cook应该更好些，不知道你们学了没有，用do感觉搭配不是很好。
2.She love。。love应该加s，第三人称单数，初中的考点，多注意下。And I have a brother 有点多余，前面不是已经说了。In any day换成I can see he playing computer game everyday，是不是更好些。都是细节问题，初次学外语多备些东西就能写好了。

She makes very delicious meals.
She loves me very much.

My father is very strict .建议你变个句式：I have a father who is kind but strict at me.

And I have a brother .He is twenty-two years old .可以改成 Mr brother is twenty-two years old. 因为前面说过你有兄弟啦。

.But he likes playing computer games. In any day,I can see he playing computer game. I think this is very ridiculous. 这种带批评性的主管句子写作文不太好，建议改成
He's good at playing computer games. I think he maybe make great money by playing the games someday.

后面说你是什么学校的学生，既然是作文，大家都认识你，写这个有点啰嗦。建议你写一下你的个性，爱好什么的.....

She can will do very delicious meal. will去掉
She love me too. loves
In any day, any改成every,
I am a student.I am Student at the number one middle school.改成I am a student in Number1 Middle School.
你的毛病不是很多，但要高分仍须加油哦。语句还不够华丽~~~

典型的汉语式英语，语法上存在错误，转折词语but错误 有些地方用词不当。但对于一个初一的学生，能大致表达出基本内容已经很不错了。希望你继续努力学习，英语的学习要靠平时的积累，增加自己的词汇量

She can will do very delicious meal中去掉will。
She love me too中love加s。
In any day最好改成on every day。
I can see he playing computer game中把he去掉！（see sb. doing sth.）。