谁有英语小笑话，要搞笑的，还带翻译。最好是小学水平的。

1、提早大抢购 Early Big Shopping
An offender was brought to trial before a judge. The judge asked him, "What is the crime you have committed?"
The offender said, "I went shopping too early during the New Year."
The judge said, "This is not a crime! Is there a mistake, perhaps? So how early did you go shopping?"
He answered, "The shop was not yet open for business, and I was already inside."
有个犯人被带到法官面前审案，法官问他:“你犯了什么罪？”
犯人说：“因为我在新年时，太早去采购了。”
法官说：“这不是罪呀！可能是弄错吧？那你多早去采购呢？”
他说：“商店还没开门，我就已经进去了”。

2、我是来装电话的 What a big deal
A young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone."
一个年轻人刚刚开始做生意，就租了一个漂亮的办公室。一天，他坐在办公室里，看到有一个人在外面，于是他就装作生意很忙的样子，拿起电话胡吹乱侃，还不停的甩出几个大数字，好像在谈一笔大买卖。
到了最后，他终于挂了电话，问来访的人，“有事儿嘛？”那个人回答，“我是来给你安装电话的。”

3、我已经努力好多年了 I've been trying to do that for years
A man went to the police office wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You will get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no, no." said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years."
一个人来到警察局想和昨天潜入他家偷盗的贼聊聊，警察告诉他说，“你在法庭上会有这个机会的。”
“不，不，不”，这个人说，“我就是想知道他是如何做到潜入我家并且还能不惊醒我的老婆，我已经努力好多年了都没能做到这点。”
4、

　　1.有一天，一只黑猫救了一只白猫，你猜白猫对黑猫说什么？白猫说：“喵~~~
　　One day, a black cat saved a white cat, white cat black cat said to you guess what? The cat said:" well ~ ~ ~
　　2.有一人独自在森林中冒险，

　　There is one person alone in the forest adventure,

　　突然发现自己被食人族重重包围。

　　Suddenly find themselves surrounded by cannibals.

　　于是对天空大喊：

　　Hence yell to the sky:

　　“我死定了，上帝救救我！”

　　"I'm dead, God save me!"

　　只见天空出现一到光

　　I saw a light appeared in the sky

　　传来一个声音：

　　A voice:

　　“还不一定，

　　" Not necessarily,

　　再你捡起地上一颗大石头，

　　You take a big stone,

　　把带头的酋长砸死。”

　　The lead of the cacique dead."

　　于是他捡起地上最大的一颗石头，

　　He picked the biggest stone,

　　狠狠的砸向酋长，

　　Hard at the emirates,

　　正好把酋长砸死。

　　The chief was killed.

　　族人全都呆了一呆，

　　People all stopped,

　　接著怒目相向，

　　Then angry,

　　这时天上又传来一阵声音：

　　Then heaven heard a noise:

　　“现在你才真的死定了。”

　　" Now you will die."

　　3.小英向小明借笔，结果小明不借。

　　Little Britain to Xiaoming borrow, lend the ming.

　　小英：借一下会死喔……

　　Xiaoying: borrow will die ... ...

　　于是小明把笔借给了小英……

　　Then he took the pen to videos ... ...

　　过了不一会，小明死了……

　　A short time later, he died ... ...

Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?
Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.
Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?
Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.
妈妈：弗雷迪，你的脸为什么那么红？
弗雷迪：我刚才在大街上跑，为的是阻止一次打架？
妈妈：你做的对，谁和谁在打架。
弗雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯。

垃圾