230问答网 > 逐句分析的追加5-10分，求帮修改作文，写错语法错误需要改正的地方，15分满分能打几分？

逐句分析的追加5-10分，求帮修改作文，写错语法错误需要改正的地方，15分满分能打几分？

2025-02-21 10:44:15

推荐回答（5个）

回答1：

朋友，这篇文章应该超不过9分。理由：首先还是要恭喜你一下的，因为4、7、8、9这几句基本上没问题。不足之处：第一、二句都是缺乏谓语的；第三句应用连词and 串起，不然就成了中式英语了；第五句的转折词应该是however 表示转折，因为你前面说的是好的方面，接下来说的不好的方面；第六句不用are，否则call for 就不是谓语，又变成没谓语的了。
修改版：（1） In recent years, many talent-search shows are held on campus, which has been brought into focus. （2）Many students are eager to take part in the talent-seach shows on campus,such as "Happy boy"、“Beautiful girl” and so on.
( 3 ) As we all know,talent-search shows make our college life more colorful and bring great influence to us. ( 4 ) They can not only increase our confidence ,but also provide a chance for us to show ourselves completely. ( 5 ).However,they may bring some negative effects at the same time. ( 6 )these shows call for so much time that students have no time to concentrate on their studies.
( 7 ) From my opinion of view, every coin has two sides and so do talent-search shows. ( 8 )As college students. we should attend various activities positively when we have time, but we can't spend too much time to do that.( 9 )We should keep a balance between our our study and acitvities .

回答2：

In recent years, the talent-search show on campus has cause a lot of attention. Many students eager to take part in the shows like "Happy boy",“Beautiful girl” and so on.
As we all can see, talent-search shows make our college life colorful. It brings great influence on us. These activities not only increase our confidence,but also provide opportunities for us to show ourselves in a different way. However, talent-seach shows have some negative effects at the same time. They demand so much time and energy from students who participate and direct the students' attention away from their studies.
Every coin has two sides., so have the talent-search shows. In my opinion, college students like us, should attend various activities actively only if we have the time to spare. We can't spend too much time to do other things beside study. We should study primarily and do other activities at a appropriate time。

回答3：

1.the talent-search show on campus, which has been brought into focus.本句缺乏谓语部分，不是一个完整的句子。应该将去掉“，和which”. 从整个文章来看，应该用talent-search shows,所以has been应该改为have been.
2.Many应该大写，因为是另外一个句子的第一个单词。
3.as应该大写。并且应该改为“As everyone knows".
4.在it前面加上and,构成并列句，并将it brings改成they bring，因为主语是talent-search shows。
5.above应该大写。this 改成these，因为主语是activities。
6.将what is more改成However,因为这里是表示转折的意思，而what is more表示的是递进意思。
7.将call for 改成require或者need.
8.as college students中的as应该大写，且后面打逗号。
9.as we have time改成if we have time或者when we have time.
10.最后一句中we大写首字母，并将or改成as well as。
要打分的话可能8分左右吧。

回答4：

in recent years, the talent-search show (这里show是单数还是复数，后面全是复数形式) on campus, which has（上面如果是复数，这里变成HAVE） been brought into focus（bring into focus意思是调好焦距，把物体放在焦点上，如果你想要表达的意思是引起了人们的注意，那最好换个词）. many students eager to take part in the talent-seach shows on campus（他这句话去掉后面的the talent-search shows，因为略显重复。）,like（这里用such as更好） "Happy boy"、“Beautiful girl” and so on.
as everyone sees（这里我猜是大家都知道，用Everybody knows好点）, talent-search shows make our college life colorful, it（单数？） brings great influence on us. above all ,this kind of activities not only can increase our confidence ,but also （这里加个can就能和前面排比起来了）provide a chance for us to show ourselves completely（完全地表达自己？用express是不是更好点）. what is more（这里应该是个转折连词，最好用However）, talent-seach shows bring some negetive effects on us at the same time. all talent-search shows are （这里不是被动语态，去掉are）call for（花时间不能用call for，用spend或者是cost，人花时间用spend，事情花时间用cost，所以这里最好用cost） so much time that students have no（这里用less会好点，不是完全没有时间，而是参加这些选秀的话，学习的时间就少了，不是没有了） time to concentrate on their studies.
from my opinion of view（on my point of view，固定短语，个人观点认为）, every coin has two sides., so do talent-search shows. as college students. we should attend（take part in，和第一段一样） various activities positively（这里的positively是副词，应该用形容词，去掉ly） as（最好用if，如果我们有时间） we have time, but we can't spend too much time to do that（on doing sth.）. we should take our time to study or to attend acitvities properly.
第一段描述问题，第二段从两方面论述，第三段总结，所以结构分应该可以的满分，但是不知道结构分占多少。
词语的运用上总体上不错，只是有些词汇和短语可能稍稍有点不合适。
语法结构没有问题。
如果我是阅卷老师，我会给12分。

回答5：

第一段第一句，去掉逗号和Which。
第二句，eager 前加 are 。
第三句，like 改为 such as 。
第二段第一句 it 前加 and 。
第二句，not only 放在can 的后面。
第三句，what is more 换成 however 。
第四句，去掉 are
第三段第二句 as we have time 改为 if we have time ，to do that 改为 on it 。
这文章应该能得个 9分吧

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