谁有英语小笑话（带翻译的）请告诉我，谢谢

My little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。

法官与小偷

It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,

“What is your offense?”

“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

“Before the store opened,” answered the prisoner

圣诞佳节到来，法官心情愉悦的问受刑人：

“你做了什么坏事啊？”

“我今年圣诞节购物早了些。”犯人回答。

“那并不事件坏事”，法官说：“到底多早之前啊？”

“商店开门之前。”犯人答道。