帮忙修改雅思作文以及评分~谢谢各位大侠~~

2025-03-01 09:38:28

推荐回答（2个）

回答1：

我不同意上面那位的观点.写议论文不能一面倒,光说缺点而对期有点只字不提,会让文章的可信度大打折扣.此外,提出反例(counterexample)后在作出辩护(defence)会让读者提高对作者的评价.以下是我帮你修改后的版本.
With the proliferation of technology nowadays, it is possible for people to visit exhibitions by sitting in front of computers or televisions at home. Considering that, some people hold the belief that museums and galleries would no longer exist and disappear in a short future. Personally, I strongly disagree with this opinion for the following reasons.
It is obvious that museums are necessary for people’s lives in diverse perspectives. For one thing, specific(可改为actual) museums provide artistic works with significant preservations(用significant形容preservations. 可以改为 museums preserves artistic works with great significance and value). Those(These) artistic works, (加入ranging以表示范围/多样性)from traditional paintings to modern sculptures, should(should是modal verb,涉及到possibility,而would更加肯定) be maintained carefully and repaired(repair的意思不适用于painting和sculpture,可改为examined,和前面的maintained相辅相成) regularly by professional experts. All of these work listed(可改为mentioned) above can only be conducted by staff in museums instead of(可改为rather than) computers. For another, local economy can be enhanced(可改为boosted,enhance用于程度,boost用于数量) greatly. A recent research reported(revealed) that governments could acquire a substantial amount of funds form (from) the tax revenue by building museums and art galleries. There is no denying that viewing exhibitions at home cannot contribute to bringing money and booming economy.(这个论点不太成立,比如说网站上可以设立收款观看啊)
Admittedly, it is certainly true that convenience can be brought by the usage of modern technology. Thanks to the computer and internet, students are access (can assess 或是 are able to access) to tons of pictures and academic information without stepping out of classroom. (加入however表示转折)Even so, the true feeling brought by entering a museum cannot be replaced by those virtual images from the screen.
To sum up, I concede that utilizing modern technology to view exhibitions at home is convenient. Despite that, museums would not be replaced by computers because of their specific functions. Overall, I am convinced that high-tech facilities should be added into museums in order to make exhibitions convenient and attractive.
大体上写得很不错,细节上有待进步.希望我能帮上你.^^
另外不知你什么学历,但我是个初中生,如果你不嫌弃,我们可以交个朋友.

回答2：

Modern technology has made it possible for people to view exhibitions at home so museums and art galleries will disappear soon. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the proliferation of technology, it is possible for people to visit exhibitions（最好不要重复题目） by sitting in front of computers or televisions at home. Considering that, some people hold the belief that museums and galleries would no longer exist and disappear in a short future. Personally, I strongly disagree with this opinion for the following reasons.
It is obvious that museums are necessary for people’s lives in diverse perspectives. For one thing, specific museums provide artistic works with significant preservations. Those artistic works, from traditional paintings to modern sculptures, should be maintained carefully and repaired regularly by professional experts. All of these work listed above can only be conducted by staff in museums instead of computers. For another, local economy can be enhanced greatly（gain great benefits就行了，用enhance不太妥当）. A recent research reported that governments could acquire a substantial（用large） amount of funds （to)form the tax revenue by building museums and art galleries. There is no denying that viewing exhibitions at home cannot contribute to bringing money and booming economy.
Admittedly, it is certainly true that convenience can be brought by the usage of modern technology. Thanks to the computer and internet, students are access（ING） to tons of pictures and academic information without stepping out of classroom. Even so, the true feeling brought by entering a museum cannot be replaced by those virtual images from the screen.
To sum up, I concede that utilizing modern technology to view exhibitions at home is convenient. Despite that, museums would not be replaced by computers because of their specific（用substancial或者indispensable） functions. Overall, I am convinced that high-tech facilities should be added into museums in order to make exhibitions convenient and attractive.

在一，二，三和第四段的前部分看来你都是支持museums反对tech的，但是你的最后一句话又有支持TECH的意思，让人觉得你的观点不清晰（特别是你第一段用了strongly disagree，对吧）

语法和单词用的不错，错误较少。

如果最后一句话改一下应该能拿6.5

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