I'm Phil, and today we will learn a new story. "".
One morning, a boy named Tony was getting dressed in his
bedroompreparing to go to school. His mother called out
from the living room, "Remember to put on a pair of new
socks!" Tony answered, "Yes, mom,
I will put on a pair of new socks." His mother emphasized, "
I mean that you should wear a new pair of socks every day!"
Tony again answered,"Yes, mom, I will put on a new pair
of socks every day."
A week later, he came out of the bedroom and said to his
mother, "Mom,I cannot get my feet into my shoes anymore."
每日一袜
早晨，汤尼穿好衣服要上学时，他妈妈从客厅对着卧室跟他说：‘记
得要穿一双新袜子喔！’汤尼说：‘好的，妈咪，我会穿一双新袜子
。’然后他妈妈又说：‘我是说每天要穿一双新袜子喔！’汤尼回
答：‘好的，妈咪，我每天会穿一双新袜子。’一个礼拜以后，他从
卧室走出来跟妈妈说：‘妈咪，我的脚再也塞不进鞋子里了！’
I'm Phil, and today we will learn a new story. "".
Good News and Bad News
The soldiers had been marching and fighting, they were dirty, hot and
tired. One day, the general announced: "My men, I have some good news
and some bad news for you. Which one would you like first?"
"The good news!" they all shouted.
"OK," said the General. "The good news is that you will each be receiving
a complete change of clothing."
"Hurrah!" chorused the soldiers.
"And now for the bad news. Jack, you will change with John. John, you
will change with Tom. Tom, you will change with Robert. Robert ....
好消息和坏消息
士兵们连续的行军，作战，他们又累又热又脏。一天，将军宣布：
“士兵们，我有一些好消息和坏消息要告诉你们。你们愿意先听哪个呢？”
“好消息！”他们嚷道。
“好吧，”将军说，“好消息就是你们每个人都可以彻底的换一身
衣服。”
“乌拉！”士兵们高兴地大叫起来。
“现在呢，该是坏消息了。杰克，你将和约翰换衣服，约翰，你和汤姆
换，汤姆，你和罗伯特换，罗伯特……”
I'm Phil, and today we will learn a new story. "".
There were two men who went out to eat together.
They ordered fish. So on the table there were two fish.
Normally not all the fish are alike in size, so there
was one small, and one big. The first man just took
the big one for himself without asking and feeling
ashamed, or anything; and ate it. The other friend
felt very disturbed and annoyed, he didn't know what
to say. So he thought for a while, and then he said,
" If it were me," I would have taken the smaller one
first." So the other guy said," See! I knew that!
That's why I took the big one."
我就知道
有两个人一起出去吃饭，结果点了两条鱼，不久之后，
鱼就上桌了，但是通常鱼的大小都不太一样，所以送来
的鱼也是一条大一条小。结果第一个人问也不问，就把
比较大的那条鱼夹起来吃，一点都没有不好意思的样子。
另一个人看了心里很不高兴，但是也不知道该说什么才好。
他想了一会儿，终于开口说：「如果是我的话，我一定
会先拿那条小鱼。」另一个人就接口说：「看吧！我就
知道，所以我刚刚才拿大鱼。」
I'm Phil, and today we will learn a new story. "".
Two women were sitting on a train. It was a long ride so
they started talking about family business and their
family members. And the older of the two women said,
"Oh! My God, it's so terrible to have children. There's so
much to worry about; they always make trouble for you.
My son, he's only 20 years old, but he already smokes
and drinks, and he always changes girlfriends. It's really
terrible. I wish he could be better, but no such luck. I've
been praying every day." She then asked the other
woman, "And how about you? Do you have any children?
How about your son?" So the younger woman said,
"Oh, my son is no problem! He never smokes, he never
drinks and he doesn't have a girlfriend. He doesn't even
utter one word about bad things." So the older woman
said, "Really? Fantastic! You're so blessed. How old is
he?" And the younger woman said, "Five months."
乖小孩
两位女士坐在火车上，因为旅途很长，她们就开始聊起家人和家里
的事。年纪较大的女士说：「天啊！有小孩真是伤脑筋！有那么多
事要操心，还老是惹麻烦给你。我儿子才二十岁，就已经会抽烟、
喝酒，而且一直换女朋友，真是糟透了！我希望他改好一点，他也
不改，只好天天求老天保佑。」接着，她问另外一位女士：「那你
呢？ 有小孩吗？ 儿子怎样？」那位女士回答：「噢！我儿子没问
题，他从不抽烟、不喝酒，也没有女朋友，甚至没讲过什么不好的
话。」那位较年长的女士说：「真的吗？太好了！ 真有福气！你儿
子多大了？」比较年轻的女士回答：「五个月大。」
The mean man's party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
I think that I'm a chicken
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？
病人：我认为我是一只鸡。
精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？
病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。
Who Is the Laziest?
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
中文：
父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？
汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。
父亲：啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课？
汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Johnson: "But I want you to."
Wife: "But why?"
Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
译文：
老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。”
妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。”
约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。”
妻子：“为什么？”
约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”
I work for 7up"!
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
我可是在七喜公司工作呀
四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
1. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the
dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had
several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette
head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of
your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and
make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then
said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
2.Death of a Senator:
A powerful senator dies after a prolonged illness. His soul arrives in
heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems
there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts,
you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the guy.
"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is
have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose
where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the
senator.
"I'm sorry but we have our rules."
And with that, St Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down,
down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle
of a green golf course In the distance is a club and standing in front
of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with
him, everyone is very happy and in evening attire. They run to greet
him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while
getting rich at the expense of the people They play a friendly game of
golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil,
who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and
telling jokes. They are having such a good time that, before he
realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves
while the elevator rises.
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St.
Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit Heaven."
So 24 hours pass with the head of state joining a group of contented
souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They
have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by
and St. Peter returns.
"Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now
choose your eternity." He reflects for a minute, then the senator
answers, "Well, I would never have said it, I mean Heaven has been
delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down
to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of
a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends,
dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags.
The Devil comes over to him and lays his arm on his neck.
"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and
there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and
danced and had a great time. Now all there is, is a wasteland full of
garbage and my friends look miserable.
The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were
campaigning. Today you voted for us!"
英文绕口令
A big black bug bit a big black bear, made the big black bear bleed blood.
A big black bug bit a big black bear. Where's the big black bear the big black bug bit?
A bitter biting bittern bit a better brother bittern, and the bitter better bittern bit the bitter biter back. And the bitter bittern, bitten, by the better bitten bittern, said: "I'm a bitter biter bit, alack!"
A bloke's back bike brake block broke.
A box of biscuits, a batch of mixed biscuits.
A flea and a fly flew up in a flue. Said the flea, "Let us fly!" Said the fly, "Let us flee!" So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
A flea and a fly were trapped in a flue, and they tried to flee for their life. The flea said to the fly "Let's flee!" and the fly said to the flea "Let's fly!" Finally both the flea and fly managed to flee through a flaw in the flue.
A laurel-crowned clown!
A lusty lady loved a lawyer and longed to lure him from his laboratory.
A noisy noise annoys an oyster.
A pleasant place to place a plaice is a place where a plaice is pleased to be placed.
A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk,but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.
A tidy tiger tied a tie tighter to tidy her tiny tail.
A tree toad loved a she-toad who lived up in a tree. He was a two-toed tree toad but a three-toed toad was she. The two-toed tree toad tried to win the three-toed she-toad's heart, for the two-toed tree toad loved the ground that the three-toed tree toad trod. But the two-toed tree toad tried in vain. He couldn't please her whim. From her tree toad bower with her three-toed power the she-toad vetoed him.
A tutor who tooted a flute tried to tutor two tooters to toot. Said the two to their tutor, "Is it harder to toot or to tutor two tooters to toot?"
All I want is a proper cup of coffee made in a proper copper coffee pot, you can believe it or not, but I just want a cup of coffee in a proper coffee pot. Tin coffee pots or iron coffee pots are of no use to me. If I can't have a proper cup of coffee in a proper copper coffee pot, I'll have a cup of tea!
Amidst the mists and coldest frosts, with stoutest wrists and loudest boasts, he thrusts his fist against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.
Are our oars oak?
A Finnish fisher named Fisher failed to fish any fish one Friday afternoon and finally he found out a big fissure in his fishing-net.
A snow-white swan swiftly to catch a slowly-swimming snake in a lake.
A writer named Wright was instructing his little son how to write Wright right. He said: "It is not right to write Wright as 'rite'---try to write Wright aright!"
A tall eastern girl named Short long loved a big Mr. Little. But Little, thinking little of Short, loved a little lass named Long. To belittle Long. Short announced She would marry Little before long. This caused Little shortly to marry Long. To make a long story short, did tall Short love big Little less because Little loved little Long more?
B
Betty and Bob brought back blue balloons from the big bazaar.
Betty beat a bit of butter to make a better batter.
Betty better butter Brad's bread.
Black bugs' blood.
Brad's big black bath brush broke.
Bright blows the broom on the brook's bare brown banks.
Brisk brave brigadiers brandished broad bright blades, blunderbusses, and bludgeons - balancing them badly.
Betty Botter had some butter, "But," she said, "this butter's bitter. If I bake this bitter butter, it would make my batter bitter. But a bit of better butter -- that would make my batter better."
Bob bought a big bag of buns to bait the bears' babies.
Bill's big brother is building a beautiful building between two big brick blocks.
C.
Can you imagine an imaginary menagerie manager imagining managing an imaginary menagerie?
Cedar shingles should be shaved and saved.
Cheap ship trip.
Cheryl's chilly cheap chip shop sells Cheryl's cheap chips.
Chop shops stock chops.
Crisp crusts crackle crunchily.
D.
Diligence dismisseth despondency.
Don't pamper damp scamp tramps that camp under ramp lamps.
Double bubble gum bubbles double.
Dust is a disk's worst enemy.
E.
Ed had edited it.
F.
Flash message!
Flee from fog to fight flu fast.
Fred fed Ted bread, and Ted fed Fred bread.
Freshly fried fresh flesh.
Freshly-fried flying fish.
Friendly Frank flips fine flapjacks.
Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy wuzzy wasn't fuzzy. Was he?
G.
Gertie's great-grandma grew aghast at Gertie's grammar.
Girl gargoyle, guy gargoyle.
Give me the gift of a grip top sock: a drip-drape, ship-shape, tip-top sock.
Give Mr. Snipa's wife's knife a swipe.
Give papa a cup of proper coffee in a copper coffee cup.
Good blood, bad blood.
Greek grapes.
H.
He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? He would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood as a woodchuck would if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
I.
I am not the pheasant plucker, I'm the pheasant plucker's mate. I am only plucking pheasants 'cause the pheasant plucker's running late.
I cannot bear to see a bear bear down upon a hare. When bare of hair he strips the hare, Right there I cry, "Forbear!"
I correctly recollect Rebecca MacGregor's reckoning.
I saw Esau kissing Kate. I saw Esau, he saw me, and she saw I saw Esau.
I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit. Upon the slitted sheet, I sit.
I thought a thought. But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought.
I wish you were a fish in my dish.
If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?
If you notice this notice you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing.
If a shipshape ship shop stocks six shipshape shop-soiled ships, how many shipshape shop-soiled ships would six shipshape ship shops stock?
Irish wristwatch.
Is there a pleasant peasant present?
Is this your sister's sixth zither, sir?
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