帮我翻译一下这段话（翻译成英文）

莲花三太子 w0w9w3w5你们会说人话不？
什么叫做会也不叫，人家LZ问个问题你们不会就滚犊子，没事什么凑热闹啊，还土包子，我看你们连个胎盘都不如，告诉你们最看不惯你们这样的人了。
还有xuansea You're a pig.你觉得你会那点英文算什么啊？你是一头猪，我估计你也就会这一句话，天天和你爹还有你娘说吧？
没想法6 你会说话不？不会说话也滚，靠了什么叫做把你放进榨汁机也挤不出几个ABC，你懂几个CBA就从那里装博士后，你以为你哈佛毕业的还是格勒诺布尔毕业的啊？我估计你也就是家里蹲毕业的，沙野博士（啥也不是）。
LZ你说的话很有意思，但是有几句在英文里面是不存在的，bluefim说的就对，“生气是会死脑细胞的哦"这句话在外国人嘴里是根本不流通的，所以我和bluefim的观点一样，也建议你删除这句话，如果不能去的话，最还还是用中文的吧。
我英语也不太好，怕错的话就不要选择我。
You is the first I am at a loss for the girls, you are first let me feel embarrassed girl, I do not know whether this is love, or like, puberty is more likely germinating it » If not germinating, you let me Mengdong the Ting. Oh, on the one sentence: I wish: Happy birthday, every day to maintain a good mood.
Your friends: XX

You are the first girl who let me feel dazed,
and you are the first girl who embarrassing me.
I don’t know if it is called love, or liking.
Maybe it is an impulse of puberty.
If not, it really confused me any way.
Well, I want to say:
Happy birthday! And smile every day (anger is really harmful!)
Your friend: **

注：建议将“生气是会死脑细胞的哦"去掉，我们常这样说，但是英文里没有这种说法。。。

You is the first I am at a loss for the girls, you are first let me feel embarrassed girl, I do not know whether this is love, or like, puberty is more likely germinating it », if not germinating, you Let me also quite the Mengdong. Oh, on the one sentence:
Chu:
Happy Birthday, every day to maintain a good mood (angry is the brain cells will die! Ha ha!)
Your friend: XX
下次要翻译记得找我哦;

you are the first girl I ever felt before，and with you came my attention to be embarassed.
I 'm not sure if this spark between us is love, or just a teenage hormone activity. Even if this is hormone talk , you still make me fell igonorant.
Well, All it comes to is this,
Happy BirthDay, Wish you keep being what you are forever.
Remember This (Anger Kills your Brain Cells, ROFL)

From your Friend:

为什么要用英文？ 没有理由用英文的,如果我喜欢一个外国人,前提是如果,我会逼她学中文,学完再谈.

还有,我穷的几乎没有摆渡币拉,如果好的话多给点吧,不然破产

You are the first girl to make me at a loss, and the one getting me embarrassed , I do not know whether it is love, or like, or the more probable in puberty germination ? what if it is not germination, you point my ignorant. Hehe, for one word:
Happy Birthday!May you keep a good mood all the time!(Don't angry!Or your brain cells will die!Hehe!)
Your friend：XX