英语好的大神麻烦帮我修改一下这篇英语作文，批改网检测只有58分

你有一些小错误，不太细心的结果，已经改好了
Jack Ma has made a speech at the Davos Forum, in which he detailed about his study and entrepreneurial experiences.
I was deeply touched after watching his speech. How could you imagine that the richest man in China was rejected more than 30 times when he was young? But he never gave up. The man who finally managed to go to university after passing the third examinations for college. When he decided to establish Alibaba, but no one supported him. Everybody said:"You won't gain success! Nobody likes your business model! " In 2001, Jack Ma came to the United States to raise 3 million dollars, but he was rejected by many venture capital firms. Now, he comes again, but he gets 25 billion dollars.
No one doubts his success now and I think his perseverance has made him be what he is today. Jack Ma said:"Always believe in yourself, no matter how others view, always keep simple and pure. " I share these words with you and let's look at the world in a more positive attitude. I believe we can change the world again!

1. 第二段How can you建议改成How could you.语气委婉一点。

2. 第二段was rejested more than建议改成had been rejested over或was rejested over.

3. 第二段But he never gives up.建议改成He can never gave up, can we?

4. The man who finally made it...建议改成managed...

5. 组建阿里巴巴是多年前的事，support应该改为supported.
   

6. 第二段建议从In 2001开始换一段。

7. 原第三段I think his perseverance has made him what he is today.中的has made建议改成makes.

这样之后你再试试看看