我写了一篇英语作文，希望英语高手帮我检查一下语法以及意思用法上有没有什么问题。

第一，some other people. 改成 other people.
第二，because不能单独开头，前加逗号并成一句。
第三，太罗嗦， i plan to take a train to go there with my family。还有，不要老用plan to哦~可以用 i aim to 或者 i am willing to...
第四，如果是正式作文不能出现contraction, 把‘d like 改成全写
第五，my birthday was in July,你是在讲去年的生日吗？如果不是用一般现在时.
第六，but i think it will be late, i think i will have a wonderful time. 这是典型的 comma splice，一句话只能有一个主语，不能出现两个i。逗号改成句号。
（如果要是两句意思有关联，请用分号）
第七，不要重复用i think，请用关联词： I am sure i will have a wonderful time though i think it will be late.

学生证丢失是过去时了，所以用过去式，i lost my student card on the playground.
个人意见

上面的人分析得挺好的
其他一些人一般都不用some other people，你可以用someone else
语法基本没什么错，有些短语用的挺好的。
补充问题：既然学生证已经丢了时态就应该用lost，另外lost是lose的过去式，你怎么在 lost后面加s啊？句子翻译成I lost my student ID card on the playground.
挺好的，加油！

My birthday was in July was改为is.
建议不要分那么多段
语法上面没有什么大错误，O(∩_∩)O
但是结构可以修整
我不知道你是几年级的学生
以下是我对你作文的一些建议哈
我重新写了一篇
i plan to go for a visit to yunnan,in order to see my .grandmother and some other people who misses me a lot. As Kunming is the Spring City. I will go there by train with my family.

I’d like to visit Dali and some other( places of interest)用得好O(∩_∩)O. with a camera, a pair of sunglasses and so on

I want to celebrate it with my grandmother and old friends.since My birthday was in July , I can not sure whether i"ll be late.
I think I will have a wonderful time

I’d like to take a camera,最好用bring。My birthday was in July。怎么用was?应该是is吧。I plan to take a train to go there. 改成i will go there by train,比较好点。 这是建议，你可以自己在考虑下