人教版第九册习作二《二十年后回故乡》教学设计
作者：漳州市实验小学 吴秋华 发表时间：2008-8-27 11:03:36 访问次数：11378
人教版第九册习作二《二十年后回故乡》教学设计
漳州市实验小学 吴秋华
E-mail ：zzsxwqh@tom.com
(本篇教学设计荣获2007年福建省基础教育新课程小学语文学科教学设计大赛二等奖)
[教材分析]
“你长大以后，或许会离开家乡，想象一下，当某一天你回到了阔别已久的家乡，将会是怎样的情景呢？以‘二十年后回故乡’为内容写一篇习作。尽情地发挥想象，可以写家乡发生了哪些变化，哪些地方引起了你的回忆，可以写与亲人或同学见面的情景，也可以写你想写的其他内容。”
本次习作是想象作文，写《二十年后回故乡》，是本组“月是故乡明”主题学习的延续，目的是培养学生热爱家乡的感情。美好的想象，正是基于对家乡的爱和关注。通过大胆地想象，培养学生的创造性思维能力，激发起学生热爱家乡的感情；在交流和修改过程中，提高学生的口头表达能力及书面表达能力。
这次想象作文与中年级的想象作文有所不同，不但照样有想象合理、大胆、丰富的要求，而且需尝试运用课文中学过的表达感情的方法。五年级上学期是小学高年级的起始阶段，是学生由学习段过渡到篇的衔接阶段，是学习写篇的起步阶段。
[学情分析]
我校响应市委市政府开展“爱我漳州”的活动的号召，根据校园实际，开展了一系列丰富多彩的“爱我漳州”活动：
1、“我眼中的家乡”讲故事、演讲活动。逢周一升旗仪式由各班派同学代表轮流上台讲故事、演讲。
2、“追寻漳州发展的足迹”实践体验活动。组织学生集体参观市区内的相关爱国主义教育基地。参观地点包括：漳州市中山公园烈士纪念碑、漳州文庙、漳州红楼、中国女排训练基地、南山寺、漳州市烈士陵园。
3、“手拉手共建漳州、心连心互学互长”活动。组织我校少先队员代表前往华安仙都中心小学开展“手拉手共建漳州、心连心互学互长”活动，进行劳动实践，让手拉手小伙伴体验城乡的变化，感受漳州的巨大变化。
4、举行“爱我漳州”书画比赛。
5、“漳州知多少”主题班会、“漳州名花、名果、名人”墙报、“爱我漳州”征文比赛。由于对家乡的了解认识在不断地深入，学生对家乡的热爱之情、自豪之感也在不断升华，基于学生这样的感情基础，这次的习作就解决了情感的问题。
[设计思路]
想象作文是要在真实生活的基础上合理想象，而不是胡编乱造，但又能不拘泥于生活。因为有这样的要求，小学生写起想象作文往往感到茫然，要么学生在想象作文中无内容可写，无话可说，要么是想象不合情理、不切实际的空想，要么一概神化，要么内容空洞、泛泛而谈，还有不知道这类作文的写法。想象家乡二十年后的变化并非易事，尤其是岁月沧桑对小学生来说很难体会得到。所以，此篇作文，引导学生展开丰富、合理的想象是首要任务。本设计着重从此入手，运用多媒体、各种资料，丰富学生的表象，以“变化”激活学生的想象能力，范例指导引领，让学生的想象更具体更生动，克服想象的空洞，泛泛而谈。促学生多角度、全方位展开想象，使学生言之有物：再以在板画中游历，想象以自己的行踪为线索，贯穿回家乡的所见所闻，以此表现家乡的变化，使学生言之有序：最后，指导文章多种开头的方法及多种结尾的方法，使学生言之有情。
[教学目标]
知识与技能目标:引导学生如何想象（想象要合理），并把想象的内容具体、清楚的表达出来，培养思维与表达的能力。
过程与方法目标:通过创设情境、口语交际、小组合作、教师范例的方法，激发说的愿望，写的兴趣，明确要求以及写作思路。
情感态度与价值观:鼓励学生大胆地想象，培养学生的想象力和创造力，激发作文的兴趣;培养学生关注生活，留意家乡现状，合理想象长大以后的家乡的变化，以自己的美好心愿抒发与家乡的亲切之情。
[教学重难点]
1、要引导学生充分展开想象。
2、要引导学生注意学习本组课文表达感情的方法，适当运用在自己的习作当中。
[教学过程]
习作指导课
课前准备：采访家长说说家乡二十年前的情况以及和现在情况的对比，并作记录。
一、交流采访所得，初步感受“变化”
1、交流：生说，师边板书（住的：平房到套房到小别墅等；用的：自行车到摩托车到小轿车，家用电器，通讯工具，电视电脑电话；吃的：各色小吃，吃的花样多 ，南北饮食的融合；穿的；人的精神面貌。）（环境：公园，商店，广场，学校，医院，街道；科技；文化生活）
[设计意图：让学生采访父母，从家长的描述中，增加对“变化”的感性认识。课上交流，师板书，为后面学生的想象提示方向]
二、创设情景，教给方法，想象“变化”
1、 那么，再过二十年，家乡漳州会发生哪些变化呢？也可以这样想，你希望哪些地方二十年后会是什么样的？
2、 以护城河的变化为例，指导想象的方法。
（多媒体出示：现在的漳州护城河）师边问：现在的护城河给你什么感觉？怎么形容？二十年后会是什么样的？
师：如果二十年后，护城河变成这样，（多媒体出示：济南的护城河的图景 苏州的护城河图景及夜景）
指导想象的方法：剪辑法（以别处的同类型的景物为鉴，把它们的优点复制、粘贴、拼凑在一起）预测法（以现有的科技水平，预测二十年后的发展）
引导学生从水的样子、河岸的栏杆、岸边的植物、岸边的建筑、岸边的娱乐情形，夜景等方面说
师：除了景变美了，科技方面、人们的文化生活方面在这里会有哪些变化呢？
引导从清淤、处理杂物、游船等等方面。
3、以街道为例，运用想象剪辑法、预测法，全班练说。引导从行道树、路灯、路面、四叉路口的交通问题、路边的花坛、垃圾桶等等方面想象景象、科技方面的变化。
4、还有哪些变化呢？引导学生A从自己熟悉的方面写起，比如，你喜欢游泳，希望游泳池有哪些改进；你喜欢汽车，希望汽车会有哪些改进；B从自己熟悉的地方写起，比如，自己生活的小区希望小区里的设施有哪些改进，再添些什么能更满足大家的需要；C从自己碰到的不方便想起，比如炎炎烈日，如果一路上都有树阴则遮该多好；（注意想象要合理，看谁是最准确的“预言家”，20年后的事我们可都看得到，看谁的设想二十年后能实现。想象不但要新奇还要合理。）
（同桌交流）
5、全班交流（师边画简笔画或以方框板书表示）通过“追问”“补充”的形式，让学生围绕情节想具体，使自己的想象更丰满。注意引导学生进行“合理、具体”的想象。
[设计意图：“希望”一词比“变化”一词更富有主观能动性，在学生心中更能激起对美好未来的遐想。因为这是一篇未来现实生活的想象作文，所以在教学中，我一方面鼓励学生大胆、创新的想象，另一方面引导学生进行合理的想象。这里采用想象剪辑法、预测法，更能实现“想象是根植于现实，而不是胡思乱想”，“想象要合理”这些要求，也更能避免想象的空洞。先拓展思维，从多方面进行想象，注意思维的广度，再以护城河的变化为例，详细指导，教给想象的方法，正应了“授之于鱼不如授之于渔”的教学原则，再进行半扶半放练习，掌握方法，这样学生就能举一反三，把他们希望的样子想象得更清楚、表达得更具体。]
三、板画游历，理清行踪，串联“变化”
（黑板上有前面边板画的画和文字方块）
1 引导学生假想在板画中游历，回家乡会见到什么样的变化呢？以“回乡见闻”为线索把这些变化串珠子一样连接起来，共同表现美好的家乡。（师边比划边连线：街道---护城河---商店---公园---医院---高楼---小区---工厂---家里）
2写法指导：要点面结合，要有详有略，确定有代表性的景物作为重点写，写具体，其他景物可以用一两句话概括性介绍。
[设计意图：在板画中游历，创设这样的情境，让学生更能进入想象的世界。用串珠子的比喻，结合例子引导学生掌握想象类文章的基本写法。]
四、创设回乡情境，再激情思
1、指导文章的开头：
A．以思乡的诗句开头：如“独在异乡为异客， 每逢佳节倍思亲。”又是一年的中秋，离家有二十个年头了，该回家乡看看了。
B．以偶然听到能引起乡思的歌曲开头：如“又见炊烟升起，暮色照大地，想问阵阵炊烟，你要去哪里……”
C．以接到同学或亲友打来的电话为开头：如“喂，XXX，你忙什么呢，都二十年了，快回来吧。我去机场接你，不然，你恐怕要迷路了。”
D．以接到同学或开公司或搬新家的邀请，以电子邮件的形式开头；如“菜头（外号），我的新公司于6月6号剪彩，回来捧捧场哦。记住了，切切。”看着电子邮件，我思绪万千，……
[设计意图：万事开头难，作文尤其如此。此环节的设计就是为了让学生学会用简洁生动的开头快速进入主题，避免文章的拖沓、冗长。]
五、激情写作，表述“变化”。
学生动笔写作，师巡视，及时发现问题，及时提醒。
习作讲评课
[教学目标]
1．通过交流文章的精彩之处，展开大胆、丰富、合理的想象。
2．通过讨论、修改，懂得可以用具体的景物或事物来表达对故乡的热爱之情，能做到重点突出、条理清楚。
3．用欣赏的眼光去赏读他人的文章，取长补短，共同提高写作水平。
[课前准备]
1、作文时，让学生把此次作文的要求分小点写于文章后面。如本次作文，抄列以下几点：
A想象要合理。（ ）
B家乡变化的描述要具体生动有序。（ ）
C用具体的景物或事物来表达对故乡的热爱之情。（ ）
D过渡自然合理巧妙。（ ）
E文章开头结尾要能互相照应。（ ）
F能重点突出。（ ）
G条理清楚。（ ）
2、教师充分阅读学生习作时，有意识地从以上几点要求挑选写得好和写得差的正反习作或片段准备对比讲评。
[设计意图：围绕写作要求进行讲评，才能做到有的放矢。课前充分了解学生的习作情况，选好范例，教师做到心中有数，才能让学生在讲评中有所得，有所悟。]
[教学过程]
一、回顾要求，明目标。
1、回顾作文评改的要求：根据发表评论情况评出“最佳评论员”数名；修改后的文章被评为优等的同学将获得“小小作家”的称号，并盖上“小小作家”的印章，张贴于“学习园地”，且收录于班级的优秀作文选《小荷才露尖尖角》。
2、回顾已写在作文中的习作要求，让要求更明确。
[设计意图：重复说明评改的激励机制，意在激起学生参与评论和修改的热情及动力，让他们兴趣盎然，充满信心。]
二、对比赏析，悟改法。
1、展示同内容的正反几个片段，引导根据要求进行赏析。
A内容是否合理。
B、针对第二个要求，从片段中总结表达的顺序：
看美景-----忆往事-----问原由；惊叹------回忆------见闻------赞美
并以病段为例，全班尝试修改。
C、第三个要求最难做到，指导学生反复感情朗读，归纳出抒情的方法：直接抒情；间接抒情，通过描写景物来表达爱乡之情（可以融情于景，可以对比变化前后的情况等）。并以病段为例，全班尝试修改。
D、针对第四点要求，同桌互评，评出恰当优美的过渡语抄写在黑板上。[设计意图：进入高年级，学生文中的好词佳句越来越多，教师要善于发掘利用这些资源，让学生互学，在具体的语言环境中学习模仿，再加以归类引申，学生一点就通，就能举一反三。]
E、文章的头尾写得好坏，也由同桌评出，再由作者本人感情朗读，学生要边作记录。
F、选择较好的习作做全文播放，边引导学生分析重点是否突出，条理是否清楚。
[设计意图：示范是最好的老师，学生在欣赏中吸取、借鉴，丰富积累，引发新的灵感，不仅比较分析、概括表达等能力都得到提高，而且悟出修改的方法，明确评改方向。]
三、分组评改，互启发。
1、分四人小组互评，提意见，可以是向作者提出不明白的地方，可以说出你的修改办法。
2、师巡视，及时发现问题，及时调整。也可利用这个机会，对个别小组再做评该示范。
[设计意图：小组互评，目的在于为每一个学生提供实践的机会，让学生人人参与讲评、学会讲评，并在练习中，互相启发，取长补短，放飞思绪，提高修改作文的能力。]
四、自评自改，练改法。
给足时间，学生练习用学到的方法进行修改；师巡视，及时表扬、纠正或进行个别辅导。
[设计意图：有了前面“扶---半扶半放”的练习过程，学生在这个“放”的环节里，就顺手了。师巡视时边有意无意地表扬“XX，写得真精彩！”，会使学生修改的劲头更足。]
[作者简介]
吴秋华，现本科函授毕业，福建省优秀青年教师。从教以来，对工作兢兢业业，认真钻研教法学法善于总结经验，《精心设计问题发展思维能力》发表于《福建教育》；勤练基本功，获省基本功大赛全能二等奖。致力于作文教学研究，作文教学扎实、有效，循序渐进，所指导学生作文获奖面广、人数多。苏琳同学获全国“海峡冰心杯”现场赛二等奖；郑德炼等4位同学获省“走向世界的中国”征文最高奖并汇编成书。
[简评]
漳州市实验小学 廖亚瑄
此设计遵循“习作源于生活”的原则，以学校、社会“爱我漳州”的大环境教育为背景，结合少先队活动，提取创作素材，避免内容空洞和神化。课上创设各种情景，引导学生多角度多方面进行大胆想象，同时，结合例子，引导学生“想象要合理丰富”，并教给一定的构思方法。指导过程注重培养学生养成良好的思维品质：发散性、深刻性、逻辑性、创造性等。讲评课能针对学生的共性问题有的放矢地进行点评，并在谴词造句方面作了很好的示范和引领的作用。采用展示作品、评“最佳评论员”、“小小作家”、汇编成书等激励手段，最大限度地调动学生的写作积极性。
如果你有了答案，也通知我一下。谢谢。
这位仁兄很有可能和在下有很大渊源~~连作业都一样~
我找的是：《二十年后》是亨利写的，从书名便能知道，写的是距离《三个火枪手》结束时的1628年，二十年以后发生的事情。这时已是1648年。黎塞留和路易十三相继弃世，原籍意大利的马萨林，继承了黎塞留的衣钵，做了红衣主教和首相，由于路易十四年幼，马萨林独揽了大权。此人专断贪财，横征暴敛，引起从王公贵族到平民百姓各方面的不满。这年八月，终于在巴黎发生了投石党运动。
After Twenty Years
The policeman on the beat moved up the avenue impressively. The
impressiveness was habitual and not for show, for spectators were
few. The time was barely 10 o'clock at night, but chilly gusts of
wind with a taste of rain in them had well nigh depeopled the
streets.
Trying doors as he went, twirling his club with many intricate and
artful movements, turning now and then to cast his watchful eye adown
the pacific thoroughfare, the officer, with his stalwart form and
slight swagger, made a fine picture of a guardian of the peace. The
vicinity was one that kept early hours. Now and then you might see
the lights of a cigar store or of an all-night lunch counter; but the
majority of the doors belonged to business places that had long since
been closed.
When about midway of a certain block the policeman suddenly slowed
his walk. In the doorway of a darkened hardware store a man leaned,
with an unlighted cigar in his mouth. As the policeman walked up to
him the man spoke up quickly.
"It's all right, officer," he said, reassuringly. "I'm just waiting
for a friend. It's an appointment made twenty years ago. Sounds a
little funny to you, doesn't it? Well, I'll explain if you'd like to
make certain it's all straight. About that long ago there used to be
a restaurant where this store stands--'Big Joe' Brady's restaurant."
"Until five years ago," said the policeman. "It was torn down then."
The man in the doorway struck a match and lit his cigar. The light
showed a pale, square-jawed face with keen eyes, and a little white
scar near his right eyebrow. His scarfpin was a large diamond, oddly
set.
"Twenty years ago to-night," said the man, "I dined here at 'Big Joe'
Brady's with Jimmy Wells, my best chum, and the finest chap in the
world. He and I were raised here in New York, just like two
brothers, together. I was eighteen and Jimmy was twenty. The next
morning I was to start for the West to make my fortune. You couldn't
have dragged Jimmy out of New York; he thought it was the only place
on earth. Well, we agreed that night that we would meet here again
exactly twenty years from that date and time, no matter what our
conditions might be or from what distance we might have to come. We
figured that in twenty years each of us ought to have our destiny
worked out and our fortunes made, whatever they were going to be."
"It sounds pretty interesting," said the policeman. "Rather a long
time between meets, though, it seems to me. Haven't you heard from
your friend since you left?"
"Well, yes, for a time we corresponded," said the other. "But after
a year or two we lost track of each other. You see, the West is a
pretty big proposition, and I kept hustling around over it pretty
lively. But I know Jimmy will meet me here if he's alive, for he
always was the truest, stanchest old chap in the world. He'll never
forget. I came a thousand miles to stand in this door to-night, and
it's worth it if my old partner turns up."
The waiting man pulled out a handsome watch, the lids of it set with
small diamonds.
"Three minutes to ten," he announced. "It was exactly ten o'clock
when we parted here at the restaurant door."
"Did pretty well out West, didn't you?" asked the policeman.
"You bet! I hope Jimmy has done half as well. He was a kind of
plodder, though, good fellow as he was. I've had to compete with
some of the sharpest wits going to get my pile. A man gets in a
groove in New York. It takes the West to put a razor-edge on him."
The policeman twirled his club and took a step or two.
"I'll be on my way. Hope your friend comes around all right. Going
to call time on him sharp?"
"I should say not!" said the other. "I'll give him half an hour at
least. If Jimmy is alive on earth he'll be here by that time. So
long, officer."
"Good-night, sir," said the policeman, passing on along his beat,
trying doors as he went.
There was now a fine, cold drizzle falling, and the wind had risen
from its uncertain puffs into a steady blow. The few foot passengers
astir in that quarter hurried dismally and silently along with coat
collars turned high and pocketed hands. And in the door of the
hardware store the man who had come a thousand miles to fill an
appointment, uncertain almost to absurdity, with the friend of his
youth, smoked his cigar and waited.
About twenty minutes he waited, and then a tall man in a long
overcoat, with collar turned up to his ears, hurried across from the
opposite side of the street. He went directly to the waiting man.
"Is that you, Bob?" he asked, doubtfully.
"Is that you, Jimmy Wells?" cried the man in the door.
"Bless my heart!" exclaimed the new arrival, grasping both the
other's hands with his own. "It's Bob, sure as fate. I was certain
I'd find you here if you were still in existence. Well, well, well!
--twenty years is a long time. The old gone, Bob; I wish it had
lasted, so we could have had another dinner there. How has the West
treated you, old man?"
"Bully; it has given me everything I asked it for. You've changed
lots, Jimmy. I never thought you were so tall by two or three
inches."
"Oh, I grew a bit after I was twenty."
"Doing well in New York, Jimmy?"
"Moderately. I have a position in one of the city departments. Come
on, Bob; we'll go around to a place I know of, and have a good long
talk about old times."
The two men started up the street, arm in arm. The man from the
West, his egotism enlarged by success, was beginning to outline the
history of his career. The other, submerged in his overcoat,
listened with interest.
At the corner stood a drug store, brilliant with electric lights.
When they came into this glare each of them turned simultaneously to
gaze upon the other's face.
The man from the West stopped suddenly and released his arm.
"You're not Jimmy Wells," he snapped. "Twenty years is a long time,
but not long enough to change a man's nose from a Roman to a pug."
"It sometimes changes a good man into a bad one, said the tall man.
"You've been under arrest for ten minutes, 'Silky' Bob. Chicago
thinks you may have dropped over our way and wires us she wants to
have a chat with you. Going quietly, are you? That's sensible.
Now, before we go on to the station here's a note I was asked to hand
you. You may read it here at the window. It's from Patrolman
Wells."
The man from the West unfolded the little piece of paper handed him.
His hand was steady when he began to read, but it trembled a little
by the time he had finished. The note was rather short.
~"Bob: I was at the appointed place on time. When you struck the
match to light your cigar I saw it was the face of the man wanted in
Chicago. Somehow I couldn't do it myself, so I went around and got
a plain clothes man to do the job. JIMMY."
褚？？生日。。好像是的哦。。。
5班还是6班的】】
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