求英语冷笑话

　　1、white man：are you Black?
　　black man：no,i'm White。
　　白人：你是布莱克吗？（BLACK是姓叶有黑人的意思）
　　黑人：不，我是怀特（WHITE是姓也有白人的意思）

　　2、Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
　　冰山和衣刷之间有什么区别？
　　A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
　　一个 撞 船 一个 刷 大衣！(单词的拼写造成的JOKE）

　　He Won
　　Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
　　Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
　　Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

　　他赢了
　　汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
　　约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
　　汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
　　约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

　　I Have His Ear in My Pocket

　　Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
　　"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
　　"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
　　"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

　　他的耳朵在我衣兜里

　　伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
　　“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
　　“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
　　“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

　　A Good Boy

　　Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
　　"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
　　"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
　　"She is the one who sells the candy."

　　好孩子

　　小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
　　“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
　　“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
　　“她是个卖糖果的。”

　　Drunk

　　One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
　　"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

　　醉酒

　　一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

　　Hospitality

　　The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

　　好客

　　由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说

　　Nest and Hair
　　My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
　　"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
　　"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
　　"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
　　"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

　　Notes:
　　(1) inform v.告诉
　　(2) nest n.窝；巢
　　(3) description n.描述
　　(4) encourage v.鼓励
　　(5) resemble v. 相似；类似

　　18.鸟窝与头发
　　我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。
　　“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。
　　“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。
　　“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。
　　“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”

　　I've Just Bitten My Tongue
　　"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
　　"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
　　"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

　　Notes:
　　(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
　　(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。

　　我刚咬破自己的舌头
　　“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
　　“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
　　“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

　　A Woman Who Fell
　　It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

　　摔倒的女人
　　上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？”

　　够吗？不够我再找！

Q: Why did the man throw the butter out the window?
A: He wanted to see the butterfly.
问：为啥一个男的要把黄油扔到窗外？
答：因为他想看到蝴蝶。

Q：Why is an empty purse are all the same ？
A：Because there is no change .
问：为什么空的钱包都一样？
答：因为没有改变（零钱）

Q：Which month the soldiers hate?
A：March
问：士兵最讨厌几月？
答：行军（三月）

Q：What is the smallest room in the world？
A：Mushroom
问：世界上最小的房间是什么？
答：蘑菇

john saids our dog is like a part of my family.
sam saids oh yeah,which one does it like?

怕胖还吃这么多

P