【200分求助】雅思作文批改。非常感谢。【方便的话可以另存为word文档批改后发到邮箱yasizuowen@163.com】

2024-11-28 00:03:50
推荐回答(4个)
回答1:

Within the burgeoning educational system, more flexible study methods and timetables are provided to children, which bring the students a vast amount of leisure time. Whereas, some people hold the view that schoolwork should account for a majority of the free time. Actually, this point is just which I stand on the opposite side of. I BELIEVE that free time gives children a gentle AND relaxed environment to grow up in, and I INSIST THAT children should make their own decisions on the utilization of their time resources.

Obviously, a flexible circumstance without a rigorous and tight schedule offers the children more opportunities to make individual development. Because, in the free period, a considerable amount of personalizeD activities are selectable for children, which results out of interests rather than compulsions. What’s more, just as the saying goes, interest is the best teacher. And the children’s intrinsic motivation can be stimulated. Hence, during the leisure time and personalizeD activities, the children’s creativity and personality will be enhanced in significant measure.

Viewing contemporarily, WE CAN SEE our society has aN increasing need for practical talented personS(PEOPLE} which the freedom of childhood contribute a lot to growing up into. For instance, a juvenile whose schedule teems with schoolwork, will barely participate in any meaningful activities, such as voluntary labor, hobby groupS and even domestic work. Consequently, a few years later, his or her comprehensive abilities would be weak, particularly compared to the peers WHO had more autonomic free time in their childhood.

Admittedly, studying is THE compulsory WORK as well as the bounden duty FOR all the school children. However, when children are coping with their curricula, the knowledge theY acquired and the techniques they learned are basically the same.

To sum up, in my opinion, especially considering the individual development and diversities of our society, the autonomy of children on their free time rather than forced much more schoolwork bringS them a better life and a better future.

注;
I insist 的从句中要用虚拟语气,所以free time gives.... 跟不上,如果用should give,又不是你要表达的意思,所以改 I believe.

PERSON在此 要用复数 persons 或 people

VIEWING CONTEMPORARILY 要和主句主语呼应,OUR SOCIETY 无法发出viewing 动作。

AS WELL AS 前后用同样词性的词,比较通顺。

整篇文章扣题,用词书面化,应当得高分。

回答2:

已经发送邮箱~
很不错的习作

回答3:

我跟你的作文没法比,写的不错100分

回答4:

我作文跟你没法比得5.5 你这个怎么着得7