总的来说,你的英文不够地道啊!加油!
I will be grateful if the Faculty Student Assessment Review Committee does as following:
Review my exam paper, but not only the correspondence of the scores in the excel and the scores on our university website;
Give me some suggestion if my scores are below your standard;
Offer me an opportunity for a make-up examination.
如果你只是获得国外一个机构的认证,那么我想我这个翻译基本上符合要求。