翻译小品《扶不扶》台词

Hao Jian: (play) oh... Oh... Oh... (AChE) you say me this man, there is a biggest drawback,that is too many meddle. This not, just on the road saw a car trunk did not close, I ride in the back of this meal after ah, thought to tell people a sound. Results the somebody else a slam the brakes on, my family went to drill in the trunk. This just climbed out, a kind of police came and patted my shoulder and said, your full responsibility. Lost two hundred yuan, you said that I Is it right? Nosy? I swear, later I will interfere again words, I will not call Hao Jian, I call is very cheap!
Mother: (play) uh... Ah...... Ah (staggered)... Hey...... Ouch (fall)
Hao Jian: (calmly) looking at nothing.
Aunt: Oh...
Hao Jian Oh dear.
Aunt: Oh...
Hao Jian Oh dear.
Mother: Oh my God...
Hao Jian: (turning around) you win! Aunt, you all right?
Aunt: seventy-nine, with pat on the ground, you say?
Hao Jian: Oh, that fast have a look broken yet? Did it hurt?
Mother: Oh, my elbow! Oh, my wave edge flap! Oh, I believe it! Oh not pain ah!
Hao Jian: (Speechless) aunt, all this will, don't use the process of elimination. Since that didn't hurt, then we have a try can not walk.
Aunt: I try oh.
Hao Jian: Hey, slow oh! (aunt 360 degree rotation walking) oh! You this way is able to walk ah,but you this is according to the table to go ah!
Mother: Oh, I this how hip ache suddenly?
Hao Jian: that must have ah, just when turning and grinding of Bai, this is not the fire is good.Come, mother, let me get you up ah!
Mother: Oh, boy, you this green on the face of a piece, a piece of purple, you fall. Ah.
Hao Jian: I'm fine.
Mother: you are a good boy, know the aunt up.
Hao Jian: my job badly.
Mother: this to change others ah, hit the end I had to run! (Hao Jian speechless, the aunt put back on the ground)
Aunt Hao Jian: ah, you this is throwing Meng ah, (?) But the ignorant so suddenly that, you are your own fall ah, when you fall, I leave you 10 metres away that. You see, that's my bike, irrefutable evidence.
Mother: Oh, rim gourd like that, get a half day, I fly from there ah, then I can rescue me?Oh......
Hao Jian: Oh my God, this is really too much like the scene of the accident, but do not you think aunt ah, my car was rear ended chasing.
Aunt: Oh my coccygeal vertebra!
Hao Jian: I said is the rear end to pursue, not to say that the rear end vertebra, I say isbumper, you say is the tail root.
Aunt: finished, the New Year holidays, tail root also smashed, OK, and pieces (always) peace!
Hao Jian: I said Aunt, hello good recall that nobody really hit you.
Aunt: nobody hit me flying out of 10 meters ah, you want to hit me, I now have to go abroad to chant.
Hao Jian: not you, aunt what status, you can go abroad visa is how? Besides, you don't go about 10 meters to go.
Aunt: that will fly a few meters ah? By this time, you have more then three metres by two JA,meaningful?
Hao Jian: Oh, mother, Za don't broke off ah, I talk about the pictures, but now the streets are installed the camera...... (see the camera head)? Finished, head no, this to go down there is no head, I this jumped into the Yellow River also wash not clear I.
Mother: why, you wanna go?
Hao Jian: go is certainly not the time, I had to run.
Mother: Well, you... (Hao Jian hurriedly cart escape, a passer-by out)
Passerby: wife, I'll come home, don't worry oh...... And so on, I saw a fall of the old lady in the high street is not a person to help you say now the social atmosphere, how to be like this, no matter others, I tube! Aunt, you do not move. (Photography) I'll wind up microblogging takeyou condemn this behavior, let mom and dad have to turn all comments, daughter-in-law,remember to give me a little praise you. Oh, the old lady fell, old miserable... (passerbyhandsome drifting away, behind Hao Jian claws)