求中文翻译成英文的冷笑话

　　A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?"

　　"Please, teacher,"said a small boy,"I've make someone glad yesterday."

　　"Well done. Who was that?"

　　"My granny."

　　"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."

　　"Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!"

　　一个主日学校校(基督教教会为了向儿童灌输宗教思想, 在星期天开办的儿童班)的老师在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。“现在，孩子们，”她说：“你们当中有谁让别人高兴过？”

　　“我，老师，”一个小男孩说：“昨天我就使别人高兴过。”

　　“做得好，是谁呢？”

　　“我奶奶。”

　　“好孩子。现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。”

　　“是这样的，老师。我昨天去看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说：‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她说：‘啊，我很高兴！

　　Patients: help, the doctor, I am afraid of losing their memory.
　　Doctors: How long have worried that this?
　　Patients: What worries?

　　病人：帮帮忙，大夫，我害怕失去记忆力．
　　医生：你这种担心有多久了？
　　病人：什么担心？

　　We have not seen you in Shanghai?
　　No, I have never been to Shanghai.
　　I do not, must be two other people.

　　我们没有在上海见过吗？
　　没有，我从未去过上海．
　　我也没有，一定是另外两个人．

1, an egg cup of tea to the tea house, the results of it into a tea-leaf eggs; an egg to swim around the Songhua River, the results of it into the egg; eggs went to the first of Shandong, the results become Lu (halogen) eggs ; an egg become homeless, it turned into a wild eggs; an egg accidentally fall on the road, down to the ground, the result turned into a missile; others went an egg into the courtyard, and the results become the atomic bomb; an egg go to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau, the results become a hydrogen bomb; an egg is sick, the results turned into a villain; married an egg, and the result turned into a bastard; an egg go to the river swimming, the results of change has become a nuclear bomb; an egg to go to flowers, and the results become Opera; an egg riding a horse, with a knife, that he is刀马旦; an egg is the mother, and a long ugly, the results of becomes a dinosaur egg; an egg is public, his wife and the other eggs on the outside of adultery, and he became a son of a bitch;
1、一个鸡蛋去茶馆喝茶，结果它变成了茶叶蛋；一个鸡蛋跑去松花江游泳，结果它变成了松花蛋；一有个鸡蛋跑到了山东，结果变成了鲁（卤）蛋；一个鸡蛋无家可归，结果它变成了野鸡蛋；一个鸡蛋在路上不小心摔了一跤，倒在地上，结果变成了导弹；一个鸡蛋跑到人家院子里去了，结果变成了原子弹；一个鸡蛋跑到青藏高原，结果变成了氢弹；一个鸡蛋生病了，结果变成了坏蛋；一个鸡蛋嫁人了，结果变成了混蛋；一个鸡蛋跑到河里游泳，结果变成了核弹；一个鸡蛋跑到花丛中去了，结果变成了花旦；一个鸡蛋骑着一匹马，拿着一把刀，原来他是刀马旦；一个鸡蛋是母的，长的很丑，结果就变成了恐龙蛋；一个鸡蛋是公的，他老婆在外面和别的鸡蛋通奸，结果他变成了王八蛋；

当我看到您的眼睛
一些已变更
我所有的法特赫在你现在已经死了
不过，我可以看到您的微笑
它仍然是我的太阳
我的坟墓是您温暖的心
我爱上了你的谎言
我爱上了你的谎言今晚要杀了我的爱
我爱上了你的sweatest吻
味觉是毒药葡萄酒
我哭你无休止的谎言
听证会你说我是你的只有一个
Nothing'll催泪我们分开
（一）本枪放下对我的头
如果我死在你的爱
请持有我紧
我的坟墓是您温暖的心
我爱上了你的谎言
我爱上了你的谎言今晚要杀了我的爱
我爱上了你的sweatest吻
味觉是毒药葡萄酒
我哭你无休止的谎言

怎么是你？how are you？
怎么老是你？how old are you？