英语达人帮我翻译英文，拜托！！！

"Mom is my only pillar, I can't imagine she heard what reaction. I only know that I have nothing to lose. If I talk about it, they can never go back to the past, if mom are lost, that in this world, I also have what? So, the world is really I am the only one left. But I'm afraid one person, really very afraid. You know that feeling? A man in the darkness of the struggle is not feel? How poor more miserable, I just want to keep some things, it is false, that no one hurt nobody feeling of love, really terrible.
I'm not entirely not believe in the existence of god, I just need some people really warm, that can touch, can hear, can feel the warmth of, just like you, stood in front of me, hear me, that I may know, I actually, not a person. "

Mom is my only pillar, I can not imagine how she feel when hear that. The only thing I know, nothing I can lost. We would never be together as the past if I tell the truth. What do I have in the world without mum? If so,I will be lonely. I extremely fright to be only one. Do you know that feeling?How does a person feel in the dark feeling? I don't want to self-pity, I just want to remain something, even it is phantasm. It is awful to be love-less.
I believe in God in a way, I just need someone's real warm that can touch, can hear and can feel , just like you.Please speak and listen to me face to face. If so, I can know that I am a matter of fact, not a the one only belong to myself .

现在的我，觉得自己在赌博，如果赢了，我会得到很多东西，我这辈子也就轻松了，可是如果输了，我就一无所有。
I am in gaming now, if I win, I would get a lot and be at ease in whole life. if not , I would have nothing.

（应该表达文意了）

Mother is my unique pillar , I do not have the courage to think about like what reaction that she has heard a meeting is. I know I already have no thing only, not bad have lost. Everybody has returned to over again also , that goes ahead in this world if even mother having lost if I say this matter out,what I own? Like that, this has been left over with my one people in the world really only. But I am afraid of one people , am afraid of really very much. Do you know that feels what? One people feeling struggling li in dark? How pitiful to be really not feeling self has how miserable, I want to stay living in a few things only, even if all right being false, that not person is fond of the feeling that person does not love , true very dreadful. I am really not the existence not believe in God completely , I am only the true kindness requiring that some come from person , that can touch meet , can be able to hear, the kindness being able to feel, stands right away looking like you, before me , I speak can, my only meeting knows like that , I am really not that one is personal in fact. Self is member of our , feel like now if the gambling, having won , I am able to get many things, I in the lifetime this has been also relaxed, but I will have nothing at all if having lost. Do not use the machine Oh Oh!

Mother is my unique pillar , what reaction that I do not have the courage to think about like she has heard a meeting is. I know I already have no thing only, not bad have lost. If I say this matter out, everybody has returned to over again also , what that to mount in this world , I to own if even mother having lost? Like that, this has been left over with my one people in the world really only. But I am afraid of one people , am afraid of really very much. Do you know that feels what? One people feeling struggling li in dark? How pitiful to be really not feeling self has how miserable, I want to stay living in a few things only, even if all right being false, that not person is fond of the feeling that person does not love , true very dreadful. I am really not the existence not believe in God completely , I am only the true kindness requiring that some come from person , that can touch meet , can be able to hear, the kindness being able to feel, stands right away looking like you, before me , I speak can, I will know I am really not one people in fact ,like that just now.
Self is member of our , feel like now if the gambling, having won , I am able to get many things, I in the lifetime this has been also relaxed, but I will have nothing if I lost.

Mother is my only pillar,when she hear this，i cant imagiong how she feeling，i know i have nothing to lose，if i make this to bright，we cant go back any more，if i lose my mother ，what i have in this this world？so，in this world just me with myself ， but i afraid im alone，i really afraid，how can u feel my feeling？am i struggle in the dark，i do not feel how much sad，depress of myself，i just want kept something，even if it very affection，the kind of the nobody love and cares its really horrible。
im not believe in god，i just need somebody give me true feeling of tact。such i could touch ，i could hears ，can feel the warm~~just like u Stand in front of me，listening to my heart，so that i can see，that im not alone~

我自己翻译的，手多快打死~~
lz自己去研究，就会知道谁这篇人